Puppies Shit Flowers

That’s a bald faced lie. And because I paid 3,000 bucks for laser hair removal on my face, give this lie full credit.

But boy howdy, this picture sure would look like evidence if I wasn’t good enough to tell you the story eh?

I don't have the words...

Look, I know it’s cheating, taking from the brilliant and wonderful Jessica O’Reilly over at Carnalnation.com, but when I’m struck dumb by something, that’s an event.

There is no way to embellish this story beyond how fundamentally WTF it already is, so let me put my objective reporter’s hat on and just say:

You can now buy specially designed anus coverings for your pet.

Because that’ll definitely make people feel more comfortable at the dog park. It isn’t creepy at all. Everyone will just be dying to shake your hand (after applying a backdoor pasty to Rover’s browneye) and thank you for your civic minded step towards animal decency.

Fuck’s sake people, WE were the dumbasses who ate the apple of knowledge and realized “Shit! We have no clothes! We don’t know what they are, but they’re REAL important and we’d better jam some fig leaves up our cracks to cover up!”

Animals didn’t make that grave mythological error. I reckon misery loves company.

3 Responses to “Puppies Shit Flowers”

  1. Can you buy these at a florASSt?
    And is that an Asster bloom?

    Sorry couldn’t help myself

  2. paigetsindfw Says:

    *hands asmalltowndad the keys to the internet*

    yours with my compliments, sir

  3. Sawyer gets home from a hard day of copping and decides to relax the only way he knows how; with a beer, a Hungry-Man dinner, and Little House on the Prairie. As tends to happen when mixing this combination, Sawyer has a revelation.”

    YES! WTS is Sawyer doing watching Little House and getting plastered with a sunflower? Are cops even allowed to carry flowers in public?

    And what’s with all the product placement all of a sudden – that’s like 4 TV Dinners as main characters in this season alone!
    sex zeed 18+

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