Archive for games

Frag Me, Baby

Posted in Crazy/Funny, News, porn, Stuff to do with tags , , , on March 24, 2010 by paigetsindfw

It’s going to be pretty hard to restrain myself on this one, so I’d better let the story itself do the talking before I go apeshit. Not in a “I kinda want to kill Earth” kind of way, but more of a “Must… resist… puns”

Here ya go:

Obligatory reference to joysticks goes here. But ok, no, what this really makes me think about was how many years I spent blowing on cartridges to make them play...

Via Dean Takahashi at Venturebeat.com, comes breaking news about how a new unholy marriage has been licensed between the two great time wasters of all time: Video games and young women with webcams.

Yes, folks, you can now pay per minute to have hot women play with you online.

Don’t get too excited just yet. For right now, this is mainly for the FPS crowd. However, it’s hilariously modeled off of the “credit” system used by Xbox Live and, soon, will be compatible with users of the Wii, Playstation 3, and World of Warcraft!

I can’t take it anymore. I have to be free to laugh about this. Deep, hernia inducing, gut busters.

I’m just imaging what fun it must be, were money no object and I could afford to replace all my gaming stuff after getting burgled last year, to set up regular “playdates” with some dusky brunette who enjoys Civilization:Revolution. I’d make her wear gold bangles, call her “Cleo” and play Rome to her Egypt, asking her if she liked how I was developing my “tech tree” to get my Legionnaires in her as fast as possible.

Or to surf for the punkiest nymph I could find to challenge to ruthless guitar shredding solos in Rock Band! If she lost to me (which she WILL) while we’re tearing our way through Sonic Youth’s “Teenage Riot”, she’d have to kiss the cam and call me Goddess.

But imagine the real possibilities! At the next LAN party, for those ancient enough to both remember and enjoy them, it could suddenly morph into double dates over rounds of soon to be released Starcraft 2. The original is like South Korea’s national sport, for crying out loud; Think of the MASSIVE influx of teenage asians who’ll climb over each other to be in the hotseat!

I would seriously use this technology at a party. Everyone around the widescreen, choosing a random lady’s day to make and bringing a room full of my best, most nerdy pals together to take turns getting fragged by her. Hell, I’d work for this site if I weren’t, you know, a transgendered warthog *cackles*

We’re past the Information Age, ya’ll. We’re officially in the Too Much Information Age.

Last minute edit: I just remembered something else. I actually knew and loved dearly some people that I know FULL WELL would, in a pinch, and as a valid “thinking outside the box” measure to advance their guild… have used this service to get a raid tank for Naxxramas. To whoever stole my account info and has been enjoying a free year of that damnable game, go ahead and enjoy my old Horde priest, but I want my money. Already got my life back, thanks!