Hey Heterosexuals, Come Out of the Closet!

 

Yes, that’s right! Because it is so difficult for heterosexual people to find support, advocacy, and information about their sexuality, Texas has decided that if colleges or universities fund LGBT awareness programs, they must also provide an equivalent program that promotes “traditional moral values”. This means that if your school has an Ally or other diversity training, they will have to provide an equivalent program to train people about what it means to be straight. I mean, there are certainly no relationship models for straight people anywhere in pop culture, media, politics, academia, religion, business, or any other facet of society, so it is obvious that we need dedicated, focused outreach to really help educate Americans about what it means to be straight.

“Republican Representative Wayne Christian’s budget amendment was approved with a lopsided 110 to 24 vote, The Dallas Morning News reported. The amendment would force state colleges and universities using state funds to promote diversity programs based on sexuality or gender to spend an equal amount of money to promote “family and traditional values.”” Read the rest of the article.

Speaking of Pink Elephants

Deep in the heart

No need to travel to Uganda for criminalization of homosexuality. No Sir, here in Texas we have our own homegrown homohaters.

That’s right, the good ol’ Texan GOP released their most recent policy platform. Guess what? It’s anti-gay. Big suprise, I know. But year after year somehow I just have to gawk at how unflinchingly stubborn-to-the-point-of-delusion this document is. A couple highlights:

– Gay marriage? No, let’s not streamline our message to hold ground against the inevitable sea change supported by increasing majorities of Americans. Let’s not even try to push some insulting less-than-marriage compromise. Let’s just go ahead and make issuing marriage licenses to queers or performing such a ceremony a felony. Our prisons just aren’t gay enough.

– Sexually oriented businesses? Banned. Morning After Pill? Gone. Pornography? Oh you better believe that’s banned. Hand over that internet mister!

– What ever happened to that sodomy ban we use to have? We miss it.

Elton John sings at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding?! Seriously?

WTF Elton? According to the Advocate, last night you serenaded Rush Limbaugh in celebration of his 4th (atleast it wasn’t his 5th… Rush Limbaugh is not 5th) wedding. Can’t you just smell the sanctity?

Were you there to help the bride cope? Do you secretly long to suck his cigar? Do you find morbid fascination in rubbing elbows with assholes like Rudy Giuliani and Karl Rove?

Elbows… assholes… wait a minute! You’re fucking a closeted republican who you will later out to the media, is that it? Is it Sean Hannity? Please tell me it’s Sean Hannity…

No? Then please help me understand this Elton. I’m at a loss.

How Could You Hate This Face?

I mean seriously, how? I could understand wanting to assault it with kisses. I could understand wanting to force chocolates or diamond studded tiaras. But hate?

Actually, it turns out to be easier than you might think to hate Miss Michigan, now Miss USA and contender for Miss Universe, Rima Fakih. All you have to be is on the extreme right wing (of the “Real America”, mind you, not the extreme right of the Muslim diaspora. They hate her too probably, but for different reasons), a paranoid delusional, and someone who makes pissing on the accomplishments of others a hobby.

From AlterNet comes this story of how miss Fakih, a Lebanese American, now has to contend with probably the first original criticism of beauty pageant winners in years, unless you count that Carrie Prejean nonsense. Sure, she’s under fire for the same old things: being a “poor role model” for having participated in an amateur pole dancing contest , participating in a beauty contest at all since they’re so fundamentally oppressive (google that one your damn self, because the attacks are LEGION), so on, all the usual suspects.

But you saw this coming didn’t you? Miss Fakih, proud of her win (rightly), and eager to use her newfound prominence to advocate for peace between cultures, to stand as a bridge linking East and West… now has to contend with maniacs trying to accuse her of actually being part of a Hezbollah plot to undermine America.

I’m so lucky I’m ugly as sin. Think what you want about pageants, strippers, or so on, but it’s this kind of WTF that almost makes me wish the right wing’s paranoid fantasies were right about just one thing: The detention camps set up just to reeducate them. In my version though, I’d be happy to just cede them Utah, build a nice fence (they make good neighbors, remember), and let ’em sort it out. Any tries to hop over that fence though, my monkeys are trained to fling poo at them.

Spill your guts

“Woodhull Freedom Foundation wants your personal essays about how you experience (or don’t experience) sexual freedom in America. Essays should be approximately 500-1000 words, and should be engaging and well-written. Selected essays will be published on our website or our blogsites, and you will always receive credit for your work. Please include the name you’d like it published under and a brief (one to two sentence) bio.”

 

Submissions should be sent to kbartlett @ woodhullfoundation . org.

Closeted Gay Politicians: Take Note

Fucking Christmas

That’s what it must be if they’re going to give us stuff like this!

From the Huffington Post (and now spread all over the place like tertiary syphilis) comes a bombshell of “what the fuck were you thinking?!” so lovely that any leftist, Democrat, or progressive must be going into anal prolapse with joy.

This WILL be made into parody porn, we all know that right? When they hold auditions, I hope to the Great Pumpkin or whoever's listening that I can at least score a background role.

Oh yes, the illustrious chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, has some awkward questions to answer about how he’s spending his group’s money. And sure, you’ve got the normal corruption. Private jets. Lavish hotels.

How about BDSM themed clubs where naked folks simulate fuckin’ and beatin’ each other?

Original props for the scoop goes to The Daily Caller, though why they buried the sexy times in the middle of the article instead of leading with it is beyond me.

Radio host, ‘Christian’ activist Linda Harvey says Westerners should stay out of Uganda

Christian talk show host Linda Harvey says that the US should stay out of Uganda and its laws criminalizing homosexuality. Harvey says the laws are intended to keep “Western homosexuals” from exploiting Uganda children by supporting sex trafficking. Oh, and she says the Westboro Baptist Church is funded by “the gays.”  Please give me some time to wrap my brain around that idea…….For the full story click here

Lemons into Lemonade

Or, if you prefer, making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Personally, I’d say this is a great example of making a decent, contributing member of society out of a total fucking douchebag.

I prefer being literal sometimes. See this miracle in action here.

Don't it just make ya wanna kiss 'em?

I fail at blogging or I’d know how to properly insert the video instead of just linking it above, so apologies for that. The point is, we can lose ourselves in semi-articulate rage provoked by hatemongers, we can try to outshout them, or we can be REAL perverts and make their message serve our own purposes!

See this brilliant young man’s efforts in the link above for inspiration ❤