Is that your trunk popping out, or are you just happy to see me?

If this doesn’t excite your kids about reading, I don’t know what will…

Don’t tell me this wasn’t intentional. For one thing, elephants are grey, not pink. Hallucination elephants excluded, of course.

Not Making This Up

I WISH I were that creative, but no, this is a genuine advertisement, posted on (and ruthlessly skewered) by Alternet.com

Make your own caption; I'm having an anal prolapse from laughing too hard

Seriously, hit the link, to find all the great ways you can make your next interview or promotion a reality… by making sure your pussy smells fresh. And for those interested about where things like accomplishments and market savvy fit in, have no fear; what you can actually do as a woman is ranked where it ought to be: Dead Last.

Jesus is so BIG… It’s a little uncomfortable

Yellow Vest is the new Pink Triangle

The Advocate reports that Fernando Gallardo, a seasonal worker at a Walmart in Vegas, was forced to wear a yellow vest because he is gay, enduring humiliation and alienation from his co-workers. Pink triangles, anyone? Read the story here.

like a dart in the face

 

The Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) system is “updating” its non-discrimination policy to create a loophole that would allow GLBT people to be fired, or not even hired to begin with, based solely on their orientation or gender identity.

The “update” was proposed by Raymond Noah at Tuesday night’s closed board meeting. Here’s what it says:

“DART is committed to hiring, promoting and retaining the best qualified persons in all positions and, EXCEPT to the extent permitted by federal and/or Texas law, DART will not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, sex, age, disability, genetic information, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity or any other characteristic protected by law.”

I added the bold and all caps to the word except, ‘cuz here’s the thing: in Texas, it is permitted to discriminate against LGBT people! So, basically, what I’m hearing is “we won’t discriminate unless we’re allowed to, and we are allowed to, so we’re gonna go ahead and do it.”

Fuck you, DART! Fix this shit NOW!

Elton John sings at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding?! Seriously?

WTF Elton? According to the Advocate, last night you serenaded Rush Limbaugh in celebration of his 4th (atleast it wasn’t his 5th… Rush Limbaugh is not 5th) wedding. Can’t you just smell the sanctity?

Were you there to help the bride cope? Do you secretly long to suck his cigar? Do you find morbid fascination in rubbing elbows with assholes like Rudy Giuliani and Karl Rove?

Elbows… assholes… wait a minute! You’re fucking a closeted republican who you will later out to the media, is that it? Is it Sean Hannity? Please tell me it’s Sean Hannity…

No? Then please help me understand this Elton. I’m at a loss.

How Could You Hate This Face?

I mean seriously, how? I could understand wanting to assault it with kisses. I could understand wanting to force chocolates or diamond studded tiaras. But hate?

Actually, it turns out to be easier than you might think to hate Miss Michigan, now Miss USA and contender for Miss Universe, Rima Fakih. All you have to be is on the extreme right wing (of the “Real America”, mind you, not the extreme right of the Muslim diaspora. They hate her too probably, but for different reasons), a paranoid delusional, and someone who makes pissing on the accomplishments of others a hobby.

From AlterNet comes this story of how miss Fakih, a Lebanese American, now has to contend with probably the first original criticism of beauty pageant winners in years, unless you count that Carrie Prejean nonsense. Sure, she’s under fire for the same old things: being a “poor role model” for having participated in an amateur pole dancing contest , participating in a beauty contest at all since they’re so fundamentally oppressive (google that one your damn self, because the attacks are LEGION), so on, all the usual suspects.

But you saw this coming didn’t you? Miss Fakih, proud of her win (rightly), and eager to use her newfound prominence to advocate for peace between cultures, to stand as a bridge linking East and West… now has to contend with maniacs trying to accuse her of actually being part of a Hezbollah plot to undermine America.

I’m so lucky I’m ugly as sin. Think what you want about pageants, strippers, or so on, but it’s this kind of WTF that almost makes me wish the right wing’s paranoid fantasies were right about just one thing: The detention camps set up just to reeducate them. In my version though, I’d be happy to just cede them Utah, build a nice fence (they make good neighbors, remember), and let ’em sort it out. Any tries to hop over that fence though, my monkeys are trained to fling poo at them.

No wonder he’s smilin’

Medical professionals working with BBC3’s new series Bizarre ER found a rolled up poster of Donny Osmond stuffed inside a woman’s vagina. If this doesn’t put her in the running for being Donny’s biggest fan, she’s certainly his most accomodating…

Image via Stuck in the 70’s

No Service for “Gay” Dogs

So let’s say you’re a guide dog, just minding your own business, trying to do your job and get some thai food, and this is the junk you have to put up with…

(From the Daily Mail) “An Australian restaurant has been fined after turning a blind customer away because they thought his guide dog was gay… Staff had misheard the woman with Mr Jolly, and believed that his ‘guide dog’ Nudge was in fact a ‘gay dog’.” Read more

Since the incident Nudge has declined to comment on the details of his sexual orientation.

Need a light?

What’s that? You want to see more crazy cock wigs? Oh alright… they’re over here: QueerWabbit